I'm excited to announce the launch of my new blog dedicated to exploring topics that deeply resonate with us women. Through this blog, I'll discuss real-life questions and issues that arise with clients, colleagues, and from my personal experiences (with small adjustments to ensure privacy for all). My hope is to create a sense of community and collaboration, where we can come together to collectively explore these issues.
I attended the Women's Leadership Conference of Southern Oregon last week, and an attendee asked a thought-provoking question that deeply resonated with me and my colleague: How do we, as women, deal with what she called "the good old boys club"? This question has been on my mind ever since.
After thinking through it a bit, here is a set of possible approaches to tackling this situation. I’d love to hear any additional ideas or responses in the comments below.
First, self-reflection is crucial. Understanding our motives when making decisions is key, especially in high-pressure situations like this. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it's important to understand your own values and personal vision, and whether the role you're in aligns with your personal and professional goals. Start by asking yourself if this is an ideal job where you can truly grow, thrive, and have your skills valued. If not, consider redirecting your attention toward finding a better opportunity where you can thrive, contribute your skills, and feel valued.
If you determine that your current role is right for you, the next step is to identify your strengths. Knowing your value and contribution to the team is essential. I love using VIA Character Strengths with my clients to help them identify their character strengths and explore their unique qualities. Additionally, here is a helpful article on how to "Identify Your Strengths in the Workplace" that you might find useful.
Clarify your intentions. Are you seeking to build a community, learn, or advance within the company? Once your goals are clear, you can tailor your approach accordingly. It's important to note that each objective may require a different approach. For example, if your focus is on fostering inclusion and changing the dynamics within the "good old boys club," your strategy may differ from say seeking a raise or becoming an active part of a predominantly male community. For example, if your goal is to climb the corporate ladder, then it's crucial to establish your presence and make your voice heard. Speak up in meetings, share your ideas, and actively participate in discussions. This is another blog topic!
Approaching the situation with curiosity is super helpful. It’s beneficial to do a 360 assessment to gain insight into how others perceive you. Even if you don't necessarily agree with their perspective, you can identify the areas you may need to focus on for others to see the true you. Having both male and female mentors can also be a great way to get guidance and support in navigating this. You may find that it takes time to build a deeper understanding of yourself and how others perceive you. But be patient and stay open-minded throughout this process. The goal is not to conform to others' expectations but to find a balance between staying true to yourself and understanding how your actions impact others and their decision which then impacts you.
If challenging the status quo is your goal, be strategic in your approach. This is going to need that you build alliances with those who support diversity and inclusion. Utilize available resources such as educational forums and team planning sessions to drive positive change. We are finally in an era where driving inclusion is becoming mainstream, which gives us a great opportunity to take full advantage of it.
Don't forget to back your arguments with data and facts. Research similar changes implemented by other organizations as examples. Remember that staying informed and ahead of evolving trends can be motivating for many leaders so you can use this to support (influence) your goal.
To understand the "good old boys club" more intimately, you will need to observe their behaviors and even do a little research on their backgrounds, experiences, values, and attitudes. Treat it like a marketing exercise in developing personas. Knowing who they are will help you understand their motivations and perspectives and what their pain points are.
Which brings me to empathy. This is probably just as challenging as self-reflection, if not more so, depending on your feelings toward them. "Stepping into their shoes" is the only way to truly understand their point of view because, in the end, your goal is to build more authentic connections so that you can have a relationship with effective communication.
As the philosopher Simone de Beauvoir said, "One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation, compassion." It is through this empathetic approach that we can build bridges, and have constructive dialogues. Again this takes time, but worth it in the end.
Lastly, prioritize self-care throughout this process, and one that many of us tend to forget. Dealing with the "good old boys club" can be emotionally draining, especially since it is at work and in our daily life. So, ensure you have a support system in place. Set boundaries, take breaks often, practice self-care, and seek therapy or coaching if necessary.
Addressing the "good old boys club" requires self-reflection, understanding your strengths and intentions, and adopting a strategic approach. Build alliances with like-minded individuals and prioritize self-care. Together, we can create a more inclusive and supportive workplace but it takes intention.
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